Guess how many "dates" The Cure are playing on their new swizzaway tour. (Reader’s voice - "61?") No. ("38?") Nope. ("13?"). Not even close. ("One?") Yes! One! The cads. The rotters. And it’s at The Glastonbury Festival, so you’ll have to spend a squilli-pounds on a British Rail intercity so-called "Saver" to go there, then sit in the peeing rain watching loads of never-heard-of-before-in-your-life-or-want-to-hear-of-again-thank-you bands before they come on. And it costs 17 smackers. The stinkers. The bounders.